Waltz No. 2 (XO) by Elliott Smith

First the mic, then a half cigarette Singing Kathy's clown That's the man she's married to now That's the girl that he takes around town She appears composed So she is, I suppose Who can really tell? She shows no emotion at all Stares into space like a dead china doll I'm never gonna know you now but I'm gonna love you anyhow Now she's done, and they're calling someone Such a familiar name I'm so glad that my memory's remote 'Cos I'm doing just fine hour to hour, note to note Here it is, the revenge to the tune You're no good, you're no good, you're no good, you're no good Can't you tell that it's well understood? I'm never gonna know you now but I'm gonna love you anyhow I'm here today, expect it to stay on, and on, and on I'm tired, I'm tired Looking out on the substitute scene Still going strong XO Mom It's OK, it's alright, nothing's wrong Tell Mr. Man with impossible plans To just leave me alone In the place where I make no mistakes In the place where I have what it takes I'm never gonna know you now but I'm gonna love you anyhow I'm never gonna know you now but I'm gonna love you anyhow I'm never gonna know you now but I'm gonna love you anyhow...

I want to be...

I want to be confident

I want to be someone people can trust

Someone they can feel comfortable around

And know that they have a friend in me

I want to be beautiful

But in my own sort of way

Kind of different

I want to be able to express myself somehow

Maybe through music, writing, art, just something

I want to be happy with myself

I want to be cultured

To see many different places

And be accepting to differences

I want to be smart

But not as much in facts

I want to know facts

But I want to be able to think deeply

And to connect my thoughts to my emotions

And to be able to create things with my ideas and feelings

And maybe make a difference in someone's life

I want to be someone that people will love

And someone who loves everyone

No matter what the person may be like

Because I know everyone's a person

And they all feel

Just like me

And I don't want to be lonely

And I don't want to be sad

I want to be someone who understands 

And listens

Basically that's it

I have a lot of expectations for myself

Insomnia.

Ever since before I was born I've had trouble getting to sleep at a decent time. Yep, even before I was born. My mom says I kicked more at night than in the day. It's kind of sad though because the night is my least favorite time... and here are the reasons why:

1. I am absolutely terrified of the dark. I know I shouldn't be because I am 18 years old and most people grow out of that kind of thing long before now. Anyway, I think I am afraid of what I can't see in the dark. I'm not as scared of criminals breaking in as I am of things I don't understand like supernatural things. It's weird because I've never actually seen anything to cause this fear. Oh well, I have it anyway. I sleep with my closet light on. haha. It kind of helps actually.

2. It's very lonely. I am wide awake and at my most talkative state and yet there is no one to talk to. Everyone who has any sort of sense is in bed sleeping. Of course there are a few friends who I will talk to late into the night, but even they have to leave eventually. So I decided maybe if I create a blog I can get my thoughts down and feel as though I am talking to someone because there is potential for this being read. Though I really don't mind if it never is read. 

Anyway, I guess I'll just try this blog thing for awhile and see how I like it. The end. :)