At the end of the day life's a lesson.

**I meant to post this a little less than a month ago but kept forgetting, so here it is**

“There are certain things that because of the nature of my life, I understand. I understand disappointment, I understand loneliness… I really get that. I understand what feels like rejection, I understand a feeling of isolation…. I have seen, I have felt, the pain and I wrestle with it to this day. And I have had joy I never deserved. But I’m grateful for it. In the times of pain, I simply don’t know how I would have survived if it weren’t for coming to understand that when the Lord said he would heal our broken hearts, he was serious about it. That was physical and tangible and real.”

-Sheri Dew

It has been a crazy, crazy, crazy week. All I can say is I made some bad decisions. Don't worry, nothing too terrible, but definitely not good decisions. I hurt some people and I wish I could do it all over again and fix everything. But alas, I made those choices and the consequences are something I have to deal with. It was a good wake up call though. I'm really changing, like deep down I am. I can feel it.   

I am excited. I've been reading my scriptures every day and I love it so much.  I'm changing my study habits (also, just fyi, I LOVE the elementary ed major. Who knew, right?) and I'm working harder to be more responsible (to follow curfew better and etc.)I am working harder than ever to make things right and to be closer to my Savior. And it feels good. So although it took a lot of heartbreak and mistakes--I'm glad it happened like that so I can be having the experience I am having right now. 

Steven listens to the mormon channel while he is at work and sometime this week, like Friday or something, he texted me and said I needed to listen to this one talk that had just aired by Sheri Dew. Now, I love Sheri Dew, she is like, my hero. I want to be like her because she is just so awesome. So I listened to it and she said this:

“There are certain things that because of the nature of my life, I understand. I understand disappointment, I understand loneliness… I really get that. I understand what feels like rejection, I understand a feeling of isolation…. I have seen, I have felt the pain and I wrestle with it to this day. And I have had joy I never deserved. But I’m grateful for it. In the times of pain, I simply don’t know how I would have survived if it weren’t for coming to understand that when the Lord said he would heal our broken hearts, he was serious about it. That was physical and tangible and real.”

-Sheri Dew

That really hit me. It's so true. I am so thankful for the Atonement because it gives me the ability and opportunity to change which is exactly what I want right now. And if it weren't for Christ I think it would be really hard to forgive myself and to heal from this experience.

My testimony, appreciation, and understanding of the atonement has never been more real.

I am grateful because I now understand so much more than I did before I made these mistakes. I understand the concept of consequences in a much more concrete sense. My understanding of love has deepened. I know that if someone I love ever makes a disappointing decision like that, I will accept them with complete love and forgiveness because I know what it feels like to have broken your own heart. I know now that I need to be patient with everyone, because everyone is fighting a battle and needs someone to love them and to believe that change will happen for them.

P.S. I am ashamed to admit I've been watching Pretty Little Liars lately. It has really good music on it though and I love this song.