Thursday, February 28, 2013

How to survive a break up.


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Break ups suck.
Every. Single. Time. It doesn’t matter who broke up with who or if you wanted it to be over anyway. Break ups mean that someone who was a huge part of your life is suddenly not a huge part anymore, if they are even a part of it at all, and it's pretty hard to get used to at first. After it’s done, you remember every single good thing about the relationship and you forget everything bad. Everyone else thinks you’re crazy because to them, it simply means you’re going to stop hanging out with that person. No big deal. Just move on. 
Right? 
Wrong. 
Because you remember everything. Every single kiss. Every single cheesy word. All the “I love yous” and the hand holds. The inside jokes and everything you thought was cute. You remember the butterflies. The good morning and goodnight texts.  And suddenly it’s all over and you find yourself crying because you saw a Colorado license plate and it reminded you of how you used to play the license plate game with him. 
I’ve been through more break ups than I’d really care to admit. And they were all under very different circumstances. Some allowed us to be friends for years afterwards, while other circumstances forced us to leave each others’ lives completely. Some, I was more than happy, almost relieved, to get out of, while others I could barely bring myself to let go of.  Some of them sucked more than others. Some I was able to get over within days, while others took months to heal. But what they all had in common was that they suck. Break ups suck. I haven’t been known to deal with them in a really healthy way, so after having been through a few, I’ve begun to develop my own grieving process. Which, surprisingly, has shortened the process and made it less painful.  Obviously it’s different for everyone. So, that being said, here is my personal break up survival guide.

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Stay Busy-This is may be the most important thing for me. If I stay busy with my school work, my friends, my family, my music, movies, tv, anything really, I can get my mind off of what happened and I stop asking self-destructive questions.

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Don’t Dwell-Oh man, this one is so hard. After a break up, it’s so easy to just replay everything over and over. You go over everything and wonder where it went wrong or maybe how it could have been fixed or how you should have handled it. Or maybe you just dwell on remembering all the good stuff and you get caught up in feeling sad you don’t have that anymore. Don’t do it. Stop it right there and go hang out with someone or eat ice cream. Let yourself think about it and work through it, but don’t dwell on it. Give yourself a break and let yourself have time to heal.
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Talk About It-For some people, this doesn’t help. But for me, it’s really vital to my moving on. If I can externally talk about it, cry about it, or complain about it, I actually am able to work through it internally better. Sometimes it’s really good to get sympathy and feedback from other people as well. That’s why, if you are going through a break up, talk about it with your girl friends.  Guys usually just don’t know what to do haha.  Just don’t do this too much. It can get old and annoying for the person listening if you consistently whine about your break up. But most people are pretty understanding during the first week or so.
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Think Good Thoughts-Don’t blame yourself for what happened. Don’t even blame the other person. Recognize it just wasn’t meant to be, and that’s okay. Something better will come along for both of you and you’ll both be happier. One thing that really helps me, and is probably kind of cliché, is telling myself that I’m going to be the best I can be so that I know for sure they are missing out. It’s petty and immature probably but it helps me move on and keeps me striving to be my best self.  Later, I don’t even care what they think of me anymore but it really helps while I do. You know how you’re friends say ‘Well, he’s the one missing out?” Yeah, just believe it. Live it.  Remember that good things are in your future, maybe even better than what you had before.

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Eat Comfort Food-I tend to fluctuate between eating too much or too little when I’m upset. I’ve found it’s better to eat too much. If you need a carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, just go for it. If you don’t eat at all, your lack of energy and nutrition may just make it harder to get over it.

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Be With People-This will help you realize that you have friends and family who care about you and maybe you need to focus on them more anyway.
Remember that Everyone Goes Through Break Ups-cool people break up, celebrities break up, your parents probably had break ups, it doesn’t make you inferior or broken. It just didn’t work out with that person. But that doesn’t mean it won’t work out in the future.


Listen to Break Up Music-Seriously, There’s nothing better than that. I tend to listen to a lot of Taylor Swift (I know, I know it’s embarrassing) but she has a good selection of break up songs. Some angry, some sad, some empowering. 
My Current Playlist:
All Too Well-Taylor Swift

Last Kiss- Taylor Swift

Sad Beautiful Tragic-Taylor Swift

Sweet Nothing-Calvin Harris Ft. Florence and the Machine

Stay-Rihanna


In case you can't tell... I may or may not be going through a break up... mwahaha.


Oh, and I forgot. Most importantly, let it go.

Friday, February 15, 2013

my music.

Here are some of my favorite songs of late:

I Knew You Were Trouble--Cover by Chester See, Lindsey Stirling, and Tyler Ward


Everyday is a Better Day--Katie Dellenbach (she is Steven's friend so he showed me this song and I love it!)


Love the Way You Need a Doctor--Natalie Duffy. I don't know if I've posted this before but I really wish I could sing just like her. I don't like the rap part though.


I Will Let You Go--Daniel Ahearn


Sweet Nothing--Calvin Harris featuring Florence Welch. I love Florence and the Machine so I love this song since Florence sings it.


Still--Daughter. If you even pay attention to my music blog posts, you already know I love Daughter. This is their new song.


Stay--Rihanna. I'm really not a Rihanna fan at all. But lately, I've really liked this song.


Breathing Underwater--Metric. I love love love this one.


Okay... and I've been into Pretty Little Liars. I know, it's embarrassing. I got sucked in. They have a really good soundtrack though. So here are a couple of the songs I found on that show.

Boys Don't Lie--Rich Jacques


Hands of Time--Rachel Diggs


So there you go. That's my life lately. :)


Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's Day.

I want a cookie and I need a hug. But I'll keep myself to myself.



Valentine's Day this year isn't really turning out the be the greatest.

Maybe it will get better.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Okay. This is amazing.

But seriously. Watch it. (Camille showed this to me. She always finds the coolest things on the internet.)


Saturday, February 9, 2013

At the end of the day life's a lesson.


**I meant to post this a little less than a month ago but kept forgetting, so here it is**

“There are certain things that because of the nature of my life, I understand. I understand disappointment, I understand loneliness… I really get that. I understand what feels like rejection, I understand a feeling of isolation…. I have seen, I have felt, the pain and I wrestle with it to this day. And I have had joy I never deserved. But I’m grateful for it. In the times of pain, I simply don’t know how I would have survived if it weren’t for coming to understand that when the Lord said he would heal our broken hearts, he was serious about it. That was physical and tangible and real.”
-Sheri Dew

It has been a crazy, crazy, crazy week. All I can say is I made some bad decisions. Don't worry, nothing too terrible, but definitely not good decisions. I hurt some people and I wish I could do it all over again and fix everything. But alas, I made those choices and the consequences are something I have to deal with. It was a good wake up call though. I'm really changing, like deep down I am. I can feel it.   

I am excited. I've been reading my scriptures every day and I love it so much.  I'm changing my study habits (also, just fyi, I LOVE the elementary ed major. Who knew, right?) and I'm working harder to be more responsible (to follow curfew better and etc.)I am working harder than ever to make things right and to be closer to my Savior. And it feels good. So although it took a lot of heartbreak and mistakes--I'm glad it happened like that so I can be having the experience I am having right now. 

Steven listens to the mormon channel while he is at work and sometime this week, like Friday or something, he texted me and said I needed to listen to this one talk that had just aired by Sheri Dew. Now, I love Sheri Dew, she is like, my hero. I want to be like her because she is just so awesome. So I listened to it and she said this:

“There are certain things that because of the nature of my life, I understand. I understand disappointment, I understand loneliness… I really get that. I understand what feels like rejection, I understand a feeling of isolation…. I have seen, I have felt the pain and I wrestle with it to this day. And I have had joy I never deserved. But I’m grateful for it. In the times of pain, I simply don’t know how I would have survived if it weren’t for coming to understand that when the Lord said he would heal our broken hearts, he was serious about it. That was physical and tangible and real.”
-Sheri Dew
That really hit me. It's so true. I am so thankful for the Atonement because it gives me the ability and opportunity to change which is exactly what I want right now. And if it weren't for Christ I think it would be really hard to forgive myself and to heal from this experience.
My testimony, appreciation, and understanding of the atonement has never been more real.
I am grateful because I now understand so much more than I did before I made these mistakes. I understand the concept of consequences in a much more concrete sense. My understanding of love has deepened. I know that if someone I love ever makes a disappointing decision like that, I will accept them with complete love and forgiveness because I know what it feels like to have broken your own heart. I know now that I need to be patient with everyone, because everyone is fighting a battle and needs someone to love them and to believe that change will happen for them.

P.S. I am ashamed to admit I've been watching Pretty Little Liars lately. It has really good music on it though and I love this song.