Friday, December 21, 2012


I don't know what we're doing.
I don't know what we've done.
But the fire is coming,
So I think we should run.

Will you stay with me, my love,
For another day?
'Cause I don't want to be alone when I'm in this state.

I wish I could sing like Elena Tonra.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Something Must Be Done

 "No one wants to send a 13-year old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.”
I agree that something must be done. It’s time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That’s the only way our nation can ever truly heal."

My interest in abnormal psychology has sky-rocketed since I took a class on it this past semester. The information was incredibly engaging so I soaked it up like a sponge (which rarely happens for me in school). However, just because I've taken a few psychology courses in college doesn't mean I know anything. I may know what it's like to live with depression. I may have been friends with someone who has suffered from severe anxiety. But I don't understand what it's like to live with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, a personality disorder, or a cognitive disorder. No matter how much I read about these disorders, I can't fully comprehend what these people and their families deal with on a day to day basis from reading a textbook. But, I can try my best to understand them, and I can try my best to help. One thing I loved about this class was that we were required to volunteer at some sort of mental health facility so we could actually work with patients dealing with these kinds of things. At first, I was terrified, quite honestly. But I went to an orientation at a local mental hospital and decided I wanted to volunteer with kids at an elementary school at the hospital. I put off going there for as long as I could, but as mid-semester approached, I realized I had to start soon if I wanted to get in all 22 hours.
So I went. And I loved it.
From the moment I met those kids, I really did love them all. Some were difficult to talk to, some were overly frustrated by school work, some threw tantrums, and some couldn't have stayed on task if their lives had depended on it. But they were just like any other kids. They had lots of random stories to tell, they got super excited about PE and story time, and they just wanted to run around and play.
In order for them to be admitted to the hospital, these kids had to have been considered a danger to themselves or others. But, they aren't scary. They are intelligent and they want friends and a good life just as much as anyone else does. They don't want school and social interactions to be so hard for them. But they have to deal with different emotional, cognitive and other types of disorders. That is one reason I really felt happy for those kids though. They have the opportunity to attend school in a safe environment with kids dealing with similar issues. Where they are all learning how to, not "get over" their problems exactly, but how to not let them be as much of a stumbling block for them so that they can do the things they want to in life and so they can have good relationships. They learn how to recognize when their anger might be out of control and they learn mechanisms for calming down. They learn what is appropriate for social interactions and what is not. They learn that, if they can focus on their schoolwork and not get too frustrated, they can do it and that they are smart. I saw this working. I saw one kid get really angry about an argument with another kid, but he stepped out and counted to forty and no one had to tell him to, because he knew that was how he was going to calm down. I saw one kid get so frustrated over his writing homework, but I told him he could do it and we focused on one word at a time together and he completed the whole thing and he even understood the difference between common and proper nouns by the end. It was amazing, it was just as exhausting and frustrating for me to watch him have to go through that as it was for him to actually do it, so when he finished I felt so proud of this kid. I saw these kids work out their arguments with each other so they could all have fun playing games. I admire the teachers and their patience. I could see that this was not an easy job for them, by any means, but they put their hearts and souls into helping these kids learn and develop in ways that will be extremely beneficial to them even just in every day life.
I think it's important to help children with mental illnesses early on, so they can learn how to understand what's exactly is hard for them and how to cope with it while they are still developing and it's maybe a little easier for them to develop healthy habits that can help. I think it's also important for children to get this help in order to help their families like the mother in this article. She loves her son but she could probably really benefit from the help schools like the one I volunteered at could provide for her and her son. Kids with mental illnesses don't belong in jail.
I love this quote by a commenter on the original blog post of this article, Meghan says:
"The families become so exhausted as they continuously run out of options. There are schools out there that work with these children--not to "fix" them, but to help them to heal, and to give them strategies to cope with everyday life in a world that often seems alien to them. Thank you for this post. I hope that people begin to see the necessity of focusing on mental illness awareness and that it is not something that people can respond to by "get over it". It's so much more than that. "
Hopefully, help can become more accessible to people who suffer from mental illnesses, not to "fix" them but to help them learn how to deal with their struggles healthily so they can live their lives and dreams the way they want to.

I am keeping the families and friends of the victims of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting in my prayers. Hopefully we can converse more about mental health awareness in our country so we can work together to help and make changes.

There are a whole lot of things I will forgive

But I just can't take a liar.

Monday, December 10, 2012

I'm not surprised.

Not everything lasts.
I've broken my heart so many times I've stopped keeping track.

-Michael Buble

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Hipster War

A little while ago, Jamie was bored and started going through her things. Finding she owns a lot of random hipster-y items, she decided to take this photo and post it to Facebook with the caption "betcha can't out-hipster this!"

She told me that she really hoped someone would take her up on the challenge. Well, no one else did, so I took it upon myself. Thanks to Daniel, Steven, and Camille's roommate this was the result:

We are silly and I love it.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Every day you want to change, you can.

"Every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can.
And every day that you want to wake up, you want to wake, you can.
And every day that you want to change, you want to change, yeah."

Sometimes, I get incredibly frustrated because I make mistakes. I get discouraged because I feel like I'll never be the person I want to be.
I know these lyrics aren't really about changing yourself, but that's something I love about music. It's open to interpretation. So when I hear this song, I am reminded that I am in control of my life. I can choose to waste my life or I can choose to wake up and I can change it. I am changing. It may be a slow process, but I am working towards being my best self. No matter how many times I mess up, it doesn't mean I can't change. It doesn't mean I'm not making progress. It doesn't mean I shouldn't get back up and try again.

So I'm getting back up and I'm going to try again.

Wish me luck.

Friday, November 23, 2012

The Clan.

Made by Daniel
Another cheesy post. Sorry, apparently I am feeling sentimental these days or something. This summer, I met some of the most influential people in my life. Most of them probably don't know and will never know how much they've been a part of me changing. And that's perfectly okay with me, because I think perhaps I was just a small part of their lives and actually, quite honestly, they were just a small part of mine too. But somehow they managed to change me and teach me so much in that short period of time. I guess maybe I was just in the right place for learning everything I did this summer, I really needed it or something.
It began in April/May when Camille and I started attending the local singles ward. I was terrified because I honestly thought I wouldn't make many friends and I'd just be the shy girl in the background like always. I was comfortable with my friends in Provo and it made me sad to have to leave them. Well, thanks to my lovely friend Julie, who everyone already adored, Camille and I were able to make friends and meet new people fast. I immediately loved everyone in that ward. Joe is just a cutie and he gives awesome hugs. He'd always offer to take me to movie night at Micah's, institute, or FHE. We'd sometimes end up having good, lengthy discussions about movies, the gospel, and whatever else was on our minds. Carlos is hilarious and he was always one of my favorite people to talk to when we'd get together. Dane was another of my first friends in the ward. He started getting people together to play Lava Monster at local playgrounds and it was supah fun. He plays it differently than I did as a kid, but it's actually way more intense. We'd go like once a week. And Dane was someone I felt like I clicked with pretty fast, I'm sure he clicks with everyone pretty fast though because he's just cool like that. He threw me a little birthday party when I turned 21. That's friendship right there.
Luiz broke my heart about four or five times but I am actually incredibly grateful that he did. Because of him I learned how to let go a little easier. Because of him I started a deeper friendship with Cody because I needed to talk to someone about it and Cody cared. Because of him I got to have an amazing conversation with Daniel that made me realize that Daniel is different. Luiz showed me some characteristics I learned I really don't like in a guy, and some that I really do like. He showed me that I had a lot to learn about dating because honestly, I knew nothing about it and I was doing it all wrong. Well, needless to say, things with us didn't work out. And I am so glad they didn't! They weren't supposed to.

Well, anyway, how the clan began on my birthday. I texted Cody and asked him if he and his clan were coming. This wasn't weird to me because my friend Jamie used to always refer to people and their "posses" or "clans" usually "posse" but I didn't want to try to text that so I just said clan. Well apparently Daniel and Cody thought that was pretty funny. So we started referring to their group of friends as the clan and it was kind of an inside joke. Daniel would pretend to be mad that I had thought Cody was the leader of the clan since he thought he was more the leader in the group. But it was just funny. One day we were joking about making an exclusive Facebook group for the clan so I went home and actually made it which was just supposed to be funny. Well as the weeks went by, we actually became a close knit group of friends and we referred to ourselves as the clan. We'd include more and more people and it got pretty big at one point. We started to hang out every night, or most nights anyway. We'd hang out at Cody's with tiki punch and Just Dance for the kinect, or we'd see a movie at the theater, we went to see "My Fair Lady" the play because one of our friends was in it, we went to the carnival for Fiesta Days, go on crazy hikes (well just normal hikes until Steven joined us, then they were crazy), and just tons of adventures like that. I seriously loved them all so much. :) Cody and I became best friends and we started considering each other as siblings. Bret and I would get super hyper and excited about everything. Daniel and I would have awesome 6 hour conversations. Things ended up getting kind of dramatic though, towards the end of the summer. So we all kind of broke apart and went our separate ways which was sad, but it was okay.

I guess now that it's all over, I really don't care to remember the drama or the tears. I want to remember that Cody gives the best hugs. I want to remember reading picture books with Daniel. And getting excited about silly things like bracelets and longboards with Bret. I want to remember Cody driving around in the huge suburban, me sitting in the front seat with full control over the radio, and Steven trying to climb onto the roof while Daniel, Cody and I freak out. Having shop cart races in Macey's parking lot. Lava Monster. Talking through movie night at Micah's. Searching Spanish Fork for fireflies and running around the golf course in the middle of the night. Just talking under the stars in the parking lot behind my house. Looking at the stars in the canyon while sitting on the suburban. I want to remember the llama fest and the summer sensation. Longboarding. Floriberto's at 1 am. I want to remember teasing Cody about girls and him blushing, or tickling his knee and him going crazy. Trying to take Daniel by surprise by saying ridiculous things he takes seriously. Bret's cute little giggle. Derek and his energy drinks. Oh yeah, giving Daniel lip gloss during institute and us laughing hysterically. Steven's hippie walks (going on walks with no shoes during warm summer nights is the best). Me, Bret, and Mariah standing up in Steven's car through the sun roof as we drove down canyon road. Making s'mores and watching 500 Days of Summer and taking photos with Daniel. Running through the corn maze with tin foil hats on our heads pretending to run away from aliens thanks to Catharine's brilliant sense of adventure.
I miss it a lot, but I'm so glad I got to have an amazing summer with those people. I hope Cody and I are like siblings forever and my will kids call him Uncle Cody.
I'm so glad I met Bret because he taught me to get excited about everything and he taught me how important it is to be decisive.
I'm so grateful for Daniel, and the friend he was to me and for how uplifting he and Cody were for me. Those boys strengthened my testimony more than they'll ever know. I'm sad I can't really talk to him anymore, but I hope one day we'll be good friends again because he was one of the best.
I'm glad I became closer with Julie towards the end of the summer. She was such an amazing example to me and helped me see what kind of person I really want to be.
I'm so glad I met Steven and that we've become closer because he is one of the best friends I could have ever asked for and he pushes me to do things like rock climb which I later find out I love.
I am so thankful for all of the people I met this summer and for all of the adventures we went on. I'm so glad I learned what I did so I don't make those mistakes again.
The other day, Jamie and I were talking about how this is a time in our lives for transitioning. We transition from school and work, from apartments to our parents' house, and we make friends and we lose them. The biggest thing we have to learn is to be okay with letting go and to be okay with change and moving on. So although I am sad to say goodbye, I will, because I know just around the corner other amazing people are waiting to meet me and other adventures are calling.
But I am so grateful for the people who made such a difference in my life in such a short time.
But I'm even more thankful for the people who are constant in my life. My family, Jamie, Stephanie, Matt, and Braden. It is really nice to have people who've shown that they'll love you no matter what.
Anyway, I should stop rambling.
Thanks for listening/reading. :)

Sunday, November 18, 2012

pinterest love: laughs.

Lately I've just been enjoying really ridiculous pins.

Here are some of my recent faves:




Thursday, November 15, 2012



When I grow up I want to be...

A Rock-climber, Missionary, Psychologist, Teacher, Mother, Best Friend, Adventurer, World Traveler, Musician, Writer, Reader, Singer, Photographer, Pianist, Composer, Listener, Chef, French-Fry-Lover, Pizza-Maker, Poet, Swimmer, Counselor, Trusted, Loved, Loving, Honest, Free, Strong, Spiritual, Weird, Awesome, Funny, Smart, Helpful, Considerate, Beautiful, Spontaneous, Careful, Brave, Responsible, Relaxed, Safe, Warm, Vivacious, Out-Going, Energetic, Crazy, Quiet, Pensive, Philosophical, Logical, Balanced, Healthy, Someone who sees beauty in everything, able to let go, someone who really lives, I want to be knowledgeable, Sharing, Kind, Forgiving, Not afraid to say sorry, and most of all I want to be happy and to make other people happy

...I guess I really should get started.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012



"I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive. And you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you're listening to that song on that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment, I swear...we are infinite."

-Perks of Being a Wallflower

Monday, November 12, 2012

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Dear Boys #2

Dear J-Dawg,
I hope you know that every time we go to lunch
Or you give me a hug
It legitimately makes my day ten times better.

Dear "Friend,"
I really do think we could've been good friends.
Oh well, that's life.

Dear Elder,
Things will get better I promise.
You are doing the right thing
and you are so strong!

Dear Rock Climber,
You are the best and I think you are hilarious.
Thanks for being my best friend
When I've needed one most.

Dear You,
Why do I miss you so much?
Sometimes I really wish things could be how they used to be.
But I don't ever want to have to tell you that.

Dear Missionary,
I simply adore you.
And there were about a billion times
That I wanted to text you this week.
Be happy!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

In two years.

(I stole this from his Facebook...)
I have been putting off writing this post. I think it's a combination of being constantly busy and having writer's block. It's hard to put two years of adventures into words on a blog. I guess it's just difficult to explain what this boy has done for me the past couple of years and why I adore him in just one blog post. But I'm going to just sit down and write. We'll see how this goes.

When I first met Braden about four years ago, I never expected us to become good friends. We were friends, certainly, but we were never really close. After about a year we were pretty much out of each other's lives anyway. We didn't talk and just went down our different paths. Well two years and a Happy Valentine's day text later we started hanging out a lot. He had changed a lot, and hopefully, so had I. We hung out like once a week but eventually we started hanging out every day. He's become my best friend and I think he knows me better than almost anyone else.

We went on so many adventures! Countless concerts, we tried pretty much every restaurant in Provo/Orem area, so many long drives up the canyon often blasting Florence and the Machine, snowy hikes, Red Robin (that boy knows just what will cheer me up when I am sad...), movies, ice cream, photography adventures, just driving around in Ellie (his car) and talking about everything from topics like the gospel to random conversation about just whatever, we've cried together, and laughed so hard we couldn't breathe, utilized Netflix so much, made random trips to Salt Lake for shopping or Temple Square trips with Jacob and Camille, Hatch's hot chocolate, we went on a mad hunt for "He Loves Me... He Loves Me Not."

I think he's silly for not liking pickles.
He thinks I'm silly for not liking cheesecake.
I always get to eat his fries when we go to Chili's because he doesn't like them.
He let's me control the radio in his car.
We like to make jokes about hipsters.
Even though we both like how hipsters dress and the music they listen to.
...But we are NOT hipsters!

I love that he likes to shop with me. He's so patient and helps me find what I want to find. :D
Sometimes we try on aviator sunglasses and pretend like we're cool... but really we are just dorks.

I love how much he loves his family. He and Braxton are adorable because they are such good buddies. I can tell he really cares about all of them and wants the best for them. I love them too, he has the best family. 

We often hang out with Stephanie and Sam and get really silly. It's pretty awesome. We've made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with them and fresh margherita pizza. We've hiked Stewart Falls and and gone to Macaroni Grill, seen movies, and driven around looking at fancy houses.

We both love Emma Watson, Zooey Deschanel, and Joseph Gordon-Leavitt.
We love 500 Days of Summer.

I think he looks cute in his glasses.
He gave me mint green skinny jeans for my birthday.
We both love Imagine Dragons.

Sometimes I am whiny and dramatic and that annoys him.
Sometimes he acts like a know-it-all and that annoys me.
But we still adore each other anyway.

He knows the way to my heart is through food.
I know the way to his heart is through words.

I just feel really lucky to have had him in my life for two years. Almost a month ago he entered the MTC to begin his mission to Mexico. I miss him like crazy but you know, I am okay, and I think that's because I know he is going to be such an awesome missionary and he is going to have one of the best experiences of his life and I am so happy for him.
He gives the best hugs and he is the one of the most honest, trustworthy, sweetest guys I have ever known.  He's always been there for me and I love him to death. I'm so proud of him for choosing to serve a mission and I know he will change so many lives and he will grow so much!

See you in two years! :)

Sunday, October 28, 2012

I just wanted you to know, baby, you're the best.

Lana Del Rey... She's got a really unique style. The more I listen to this song though, the more I love it.

Kiss me hard before you go,
Summertime sadness.
I just wanted you to know,
That baby, you're the best.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Take a walk.

This song kind of makes me happy. :)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Dear Boys #1

So some of you may read my sister's blog. If you don't you should check it out. :) But anyway, a couple of days ago she wrote some letters to boys. Apparently a blog she reads writes them and she thought she'd make up her own. Here is a link to Camille's "Dear boys" and here is the blog the original idea came from. Well, I decided to write some too. So here they are. (Well some of them, I'll post some more later but I felt like 6 was plenty for one post).

Dear Missionary,
You are wonderful and I adore you.
But I seriously need longer letters--Okay?
I want to know what's going on in your life.

Dear Joseph Gordon-Leavitt Look-Alike,
I don't know you but I saw you on campus yesterday.
Marry me?

Dear Seph,
You are so wise and the best friend a girl could ask for.
Thanks for giving me your chips the other day.
I was so hungry.

Dear EE,
Thanks to you I'm back on track.
Thank you for all the help and support and for being my own personal google.

Dear Writer,
You are a saint.
I don't know how or why you put up with me.
But I am so glad you do.

Dear Preemie,
You are almost not a preemie anymore.
I will miss you. A lot.
Thanks for being there--always.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Fall Photoshoot

On Sunday, my lovely roommates and I (and a couple of other people) went up to Aspen Grove for a photoshoot. It's gorgeous up there! We had a lot of fun and I'm really glad I was able to go. I'm looking forward to becoming better friends with these awesome people. :) Here are some of the photos we took:

 Me and Dunia. I really wish I had hair like hers--it's gorgeous!

 Me, Cindy, and Jamie.

 We're pretending to be models.... Yeah...

 My roommates. :)

 I don't even know.

 My personal favorite.

 Me and Jamie.

So yep. Those were our photoshoot adventures. The end.