Monday, March 4, 2013

Phil's Wise Realization.

Watch it:

Several years ago, I attended some sort of Young Men/Young Women fireside. I don't really remember anything from it except that the speaker counseled young men to be wary of giving women advice. He said that there is a time and place for it, but that is usually when it is asked for. He explained that when women talk about their problems, they don't want to be told how to fix it because usually they already know. They want someone to listen, to side with them, and to validate them.
I had never noticed this before, but for weeks, months, even years afterwards, I paid attention to how I felt when my guy friends tried to give me advice. Or how other women in my life responded to it. And I found his explanation to be very true. Maybe it's not always true, but generally, that seems to be the case.
Photo Credit
So, I saw this episode of Modern Family and I loved it--it's hilarious because it's so true. Originally, I was going to write this blog post to explain to men that they should only give advice when it's asked for, but now that I'm actually writing it, I think I need to re-evaluate. Although that is a good thing to keep in mind, I think maybe I should work on being less prideful and take advice even if it's not asked for. I think it's maybe not even just a problem that women have exclusively (I may be wrong) but I think everyone sort of takes pride in being able to think of answers and solutions to their own problems.   Women are just more likely to respond with "Oh, you are so right!" and "I am so sorry" while men are more likely to try to fix the problem.
So I think I want to work on being more open to suggestions and advice. And I want to be humble enough to accept it as their way of showing they care. Because, although I love Modern Family and I love Claire and Phil, I really really don't want to be a Claire haha. Or a Phil for that matter.
Yup, just some random thoughts.


Anonymous said...

I'm a lady who tends to react in an advicey way like Phil does. As someone who is in this habit, I would suggest to the general public that if you just want to get something off your chest you can start by saying something like, "I think I know what to do about this, but I just need to rant/vent a little." I'm always happy just to listen and validate but I forget that's what people want sometimes. And I think it's okay if that's what you want sometimes!

Mom to Many said...

You are awesome! ;)

Maren said...

Anonymous: Thank you! That's a great suggestion!

Mom to Many: You are awesome too!