Thursday, February 28, 2013

How to survive a break up.

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Break ups suck.
Every. Single. Time. It doesn’t matter who broke up with who or if you wanted it to be over anyway. Break ups mean that someone who was a huge part of your life is suddenly not a huge part anymore, if they are even a part of it at all, and it's pretty hard to get used to at first. After it’s done, you remember every single good thing about the relationship and you forget everything bad. Everyone else thinks you’re crazy because to them, it simply means you’re going to stop hanging out with that person. No big deal. Just move on. 
Because you remember everything. Every single kiss. Every single cheesy word. All the “I love yous” and the hand holds. The inside jokes and everything you thought was cute. You remember the butterflies. The good morning and goodnight texts.  And suddenly it’s all over and you find yourself crying because you saw a Colorado license plate and it reminded you of how you used to play the license plate game with him. 
I’ve been through more break ups than I’d really care to admit. And they were all under very different circumstances. Some allowed us to be friends for years afterwards, while other circumstances forced us to leave each others’ lives completely. Some, I was more than happy, almost relieved, to get out of, while others I could barely bring myself to let go of.  Some of them sucked more than others. Some I was able to get over within days, while others took months to heal. But what they all had in common was that they suck. Break ups suck. I haven’t been known to deal with them in a really healthy way, so after having been through a few, I’ve begun to develop my own grieving process. Which, surprisingly, has shortened the process and made it less painful.  Obviously it’s different for everyone. So, that being said, here is my personal break up survival guide.

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Stay Busy-This is may be the most important thing for me. If I stay busy with my school work, my friends, my family, my music, movies, tv, anything really, I can get my mind off of what happened and I stop asking self-destructive questions.

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Don’t Dwell-Oh man, this one is so hard. After a break up, it’s so easy to just replay everything over and over. You go over everything and wonder where it went wrong or maybe how it could have been fixed or how you should have handled it. Or maybe you just dwell on remembering all the good stuff and you get caught up in feeling sad you don’t have that anymore. Don’t do it. Stop it right there and go hang out with someone or eat ice cream. Let yourself think about it and work through it, but don’t dwell on it. Give yourself a break and let yourself have time to heal.
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Talk About It-For some people, this doesn’t help. But for me, it’s really vital to my moving on. If I can externally talk about it, cry about it, or complain about it, I actually am able to work through it internally better. Sometimes it’s really good to get sympathy and feedback from other people as well. That’s why, if you are going through a break up, talk about it with your girl friends.  Guys usually just don’t know what to do haha.  Just don’t do this too much. It can get old and annoying for the person listening if you consistently whine about your break up. But most people are pretty understanding during the first week or so.
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Think Good Thoughts-Don’t blame yourself for what happened. Don’t even blame the other person. Recognize it just wasn’t meant to be, and that’s okay. Something better will come along for both of you and you’ll both be happier. One thing that really helps me, and is probably kind of clichĂ©, is telling myself that I’m going to be the best I can be so that I know for sure they are missing out. It’s petty and immature probably but it helps me move on and keeps me striving to be my best self.  Later, I don’t even care what they think of me anymore but it really helps while I do. You know how you’re friends say ‘Well, he’s the one missing out?” Yeah, just believe it. Live it.  Remember that good things are in your future, maybe even better than what you had before.

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Eat Comfort Food-I tend to fluctuate between eating too much or too little when I’m upset. I’ve found it’s better to eat too much. If you need a carton of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, just go for it. If you don’t eat at all, your lack of energy and nutrition may just make it harder to get over it.

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Be With People-This will help you realize that you have friends and family who care about you and maybe you need to focus on them more anyway.
Remember that Everyone Goes Through Break Ups-cool people break up, celebrities break up, your parents probably had break ups, it doesn’t make you inferior or broken. It just didn’t work out with that person. But that doesn’t mean it won’t work out in the future.

Listen to Break Up Music-Seriously, There’s nothing better than that. I tend to listen to a lot of Taylor Swift (I know, I know it’s embarrassing) but she has a good selection of break up songs. Some angry, some sad, some empowering. 
My Current Playlist:
All Too Well-Taylor Swift

Last Kiss- Taylor Swift

Sad Beautiful Tragic-Taylor Swift

Sweet Nothing-Calvin Harris Ft. Florence and the Machine


In case you can't tell... I may or may not be going through a break up... mwahaha.

Oh, and I forgot. Most importantly, let it go.


ambertoy said...

Maren I love your pictures! :) Great post! Made me think of the break up s I've been through. Keep your head up! :D

Maren said...

Thanks Amber!! :)